It doesn’t really matter who i am talking to, sex seems to be the constant topic. I am on two dating sites, wanting to find a bf… but the only thing men can talk to me about (aside from my job, list of my hobbies, and how my day was- which i hate talking about also) is SEX. what they want to do to me. how they would like to do it to me. that I’m sexy. Beautiful. That I have sexy lips that make them wish i was sucking their dick. That they aren’t ready to have a relationship bc they are scared to trust someone… so can we just fuck and see how that goes?
can you just give me a allowance and we can see how i like to spend your money? can you just pay me for my time? I’d like access to your bank account before i can decided if i can be in a relationship with you… you know to see how it feels to spend your money before I commit to being your girl friend or wife. can you just treat me like a queen and let me see if you measure up to the standard of how I want to be treated?
I’m so sick of people asking me to sext, send naked pictures, and asking incredibly intimate questions about my sexual preferences… so they can decide if they want me.
here’s a thought…. WHAT IF I DON’T WANT THEM… BC THEY HAVE AN UGLY ATTITUDE AND OUT LOOK?
I’m not looking for a 10 inch dick. I’m not looking for someone to fuck. My profile even communicates that. I’m looking for someone who is bringing something to the table and who fits into my view of the world…. which apparently is not the same as everyone else’s.
if i wanted to sext with men all night and show off my “goodies” in pics and videos… I’d join a cam girl site and make a killing. (strongly entertaining this idea).
if i wanted to flirt all night with guys and walk around in sexy clothes, i’d shake my ass in an adult entertainment club… or maybe id just go to the regular club. same difference but with out the cash.
if i wanted to make and share vids of me sucking and fucking, I have the porn connections to make that happen also.
I don’t know what a woman has to do to be respected and converse about things other than sex. I’ve had folks advise me that it has to do with the preconceived notions that waitresses are whorish drug addicts and alcoholic party girls who are just looking to hook up. that’s a funny stereo type bc i have lots of folks i know in the industry who have never behaved like that and most likely never will.
maybe I really do have to go to college to be respected in life. it seems hugely silly that i should have to take out a 33 thousand dollar loan to go to school to get a job that pays me less money than i make now just so people can perceive me different… when i will still be the same person i am now.
i hate the way the world operates. it’s bullshit. I hate not being accepted for who i am and having to fight thru this bullshit to prove who i am. I hate that people prejudge me when they meet me based on a very few facts they learn and preconceive notions they have about the world.
to be honest, I’m about to just buy into all of the bullshit and start playing along and run dudes for what ever they will give me to deal with their bullshit. cars, money, car repair, food, cash, presents, trips… just bc i should be getting something from the transactions. obviously i’m not going to get what I WANT. And when it goes south and ends up not being what they thought it was going to be…
well that’s their fault for treating me like they did. in the end they get what they deserve.
sorry. not sorry.
i guess it’s back in the sugar bowl bc that’s what the universe keeps handing me…. that and restaurant jobs.
it’s such a battle to be myself every day bc i’m constantly being accused of being being things i’m not and doing things i’ve never done before in my life. no matter what i do , i seem to be the unreliable, untrustworthy whore bc of other people’s insecurities and past issues. I’m very ready to buckle and just become the asshole people rumor me to be … basically. this being a better person shit is more than i can be. it’s like a constant struggle to convince people of the person i am.. and nothing i do is ever good enough or the right thing to do.
another thing i noticed is that people always seem to be giving me unsolicited advice without knowing my situation. i don’t mean ppl here. i mean complete strangers on the street will stop me to offer advice.. or interject in conversations about how it should change my life. WTF is that about?
maybe i appear to be lost?